Navigating Narcissism
Introduction
Narcissism is a word that's getting thrown around a lot lately - often to describe the over confident colleague or cheating, self centred partner. It is often misused to describe a person with narcissistic traits or a self centred nature rather than a full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
NPD is a complex disorder that can have a significant impact on the mental health of the narcissist’s victim and the narcissist themselves.
In this blog post, we'll take a look at the ins and outs of narcissism, how it can affect our mental health and relationships, and offer some tips for fostering healthier connections and self-awareness.
The Narcissist and the Host
Narcissists can appear to have a super-sized sense of self-importance, an overwhelming need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. It's not unusual for them to find a willing victim or 'host' to feed their need for adulation. They use their previously successful manipulative behaviours to get what they need. Similar to other disorders, not every characteristic is present and/or instantly obvious to the unsuspecting victim and some that are, such as empathy can actually be faked by them..
Some tactics the narc may use when forming intimate relationships includes 'love bombing' the host, intense sexual activity, overt generosity, and the trusted "I have found my soulmate forever" claim. The host, wanting to please them may reciprocate but like most relationships the honeymoon period wears off leaving the narc feeling less validated..But behind a mask of extreme confidence and a caring disposition they are not sure of their own self-worth. They get upset by the slightest criticism, which deep down amplifies an insecure view of themselves. Once the host can no longer satisfy their insatiable needs the 'narc' has no use for them. Abandoning the host like they never existed they move onto their next victim (see my blog on 'the mental health impact of 'ghosting').
This leaves the host confused, demoralised, and trying to navigate a cycle of loss. There are no winners here - not the narc and not the host. For the host, they are left the victim of emotional abuse. The narcissist continues to seek, but never finds self-compassion and security, often entering into one failed relationship after another. Maladaptive narcissism can lead to feelings of extreme jealousy, bitterness, and anger, as well as some self-destructive behaviours and risk-taking activities in their hopeless quest for validation.
Narcissist - or just self centred ?
NPD is a disorder that requires professional help, certainly for the narc and often for the broken, abused host. If you have been the victim of the narcissist its important to remember that the qualities that attracted the narc (love, honesty, loyalty and compassion) are the same qualities that will, for sure, attract the right person one day - the narcs loss is your gain!.
But what about those of us who may have similar self serving traits but not NPD? Are we self aware of how that can damage others and ourselves? Here are some suggestions that might help.
Become Self-Aware: Have a good, hard think about your thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. Developing self-awareness can help spot any unhealthy narcissistic trait and give us a nudge in the right direction. Are we being true to ourselves, or are we using others for our personal gain, at the cost of morals and ethics.
Grow Empathy: Try to walk a mile in someone else's shoes and genuinely understand their feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This can help build deeper connections with others and reduce the not-so-fab impact of narcissistic traits on relationships. As the old saying goes “ Do to others as you would like to be done to by them ( or something like that)
Set Healthy Boundaries: Setting up healthy boundaries can help us manage our narcissistic tendencies and have healthier interactions with others.
Remember that self worth, validation and security comes from within. If you don’t have it who else can truly provide it? Maybe its time to find it with the help of a professional therapist.
Seek Professional Help: If someone's struggling with issues around self worth, secure attachments, maladaptive narcissism or thinks they might have NPD, it's important to seek help from a mental health professional who can offer guidance and support.
Conclusion
Narcissism is a term that can be misused to describe the overly confident (but often successful and attractive) competitor or rival. So being aware of true NPD and narcissistic traits can help us spot unhealthy patterns in our own behaviour or in others, leading to healthier relationships and better overall mental health and wellbeing. By boosting self-awareness, growing empathy, and setting healthy boundaries, we can tackle the negative impacts of narcissism and create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
