The Vanishing Act That Haunts Our Mental Health
Introduction
Ghosting - that mysterious phenomenon where someone suddenly vanishes from your life without any explanation. It's become all too common in the digital age, with dating apps and social media making it easy to disappear without a trace. But how does ghosting affect our mental health, and what can we do to cope with it? Join us for an exploration of ghosting, its impact on our minds, and some top tips to deal with the aftermath. This blog is aimed at supporting the ‘ghosted’ but perhaps the ‘ghosts’ amongst us can reflect on what is lacking in our communication and conflict management skills and understand the psychological impact on the ‘ghosted’.
What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone you've been in contact with - a friend, a romantic interest, or even a colleague - suddenly cuts off all communication without any explanation, and like a ghost, becomes invisible. It's like they've vanished into thin air, leaving you wondering what on earth happened. In a world of instant messaging and constant connectivity, being ghosted can lead to a serious assault on our mental health.
The Spooky Side: How Ghosting Affects Our Mental Health
Being ghosted can feel like a real kick in the teeth, and it's no surprise that it can take a toll on our mental health. Here are some of the ways ghosting can haunt us:
Rejection: Ghosting can make us feel rejected and unwanted, which can lead to feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem.
Confusion: The lack of closure and unanswered questions can add to our stress levels as we try to figure out what went wrong.
Anxiety: The uncertainty and unpredictability of ghosting can make us feel anxious and insecure in future relationships or social situations.
Loneliness: Losing a connection with someone we cared about can make us feel lonely and isolated and plunge us into the stages of grief and loss.
Busting Ghosts: Tips to Cope with Ghosting
Accept Your Feelings: It's completely normal to feel hurt, confused, and upset after being ghosted. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and remember that it's okay to grieve the loss of the connection.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends and family for support, as they can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and words of encouragement.
Don't Blame Yourself: Remember that ghosting is more about the other person's inability to communicate effectively, perhaps an insecure attachment style, lack of empathy or compassion, a desire to punish you or even a narcissistic personality disorder.Try not to take it personally or blame yourself for the situation.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritise your wellbeing by engaging in activities that make you feel good - such as exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing hobbies you enjoy.
Set Boundaries: Be mindful of your emotional needs in future relationships, and don't be afraid to set boundaries to protect yourself from being ghosted again.
Move Forward: Accept that you may never receive an explanation or closure, so focus on moving forward with your life. It's important to remember that there are plenty of people out there who value open communication and will treat you with respect.
If moving forward becomes difficult or you are experiencing issues with anger, guilt, self worth, depression or anxiety seek the help of a trained therapist.
The ghost - becoming invisible respectfully
We shouldn’t forget that the ghost may not be deliberately abusing the ghosted. They may lack emotional intelligence, self awareness, conflict management skills or empathy to allow them to engage with the ghosted. They may use it as a self defeating coping strategy. They may not wish to hear criticism, disclose their deception or hurt the individual - even though the act will do just that. They may have been victims of the person they have ghosted and despite being given the reasons for ending the contact the ghosted just won’t respect their wishes to be left alone. Now listen prospective ghosts out there! before resorting to ghosting try these tips;
Pick the time and place to have the conversation - avoid texts as they can be misunderstood and lack compassion . Telephone them or use virtual platforms if meeting in person is not appropriate.
Prepare what is to be said in advance and be honest.
Acknowledge the person’s pain but don’t make empty promises to make them feel better e.g. “we will still be friends, and “we can keep in touch” etc.
Don’t be drawn into insults. Once the message has been delivered and the reasons given, then it’s best to wind up the conversation. If you are going to block or delete them from your devices tell them why and ask them to respect your decision to do so.
Conclusion
Ghosting can feel like a frightening and hurtful phenomenon, and it can be used as a form of emotional abuse. For the ghosted it can be like the sudden death of a loved one. Understanding its impact on our mental health and arming ourselves with healthy coping strategies, we can make the experience less haunting. Embrace your feelings, seek support, and focus on self-care to bounce back from the ghosting blues. Remember, there are plenty of fab connections waiting to be made with people who will appreciate you for who you are!
